Loving a Loved One after Loss

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. In that human experience we learn about life through our relationships. Through the reflections of ourselves through the eyes of another. When our loved one makes the journey to release their physical body and return to the spirit world your relationship with them changes into a different form. Your relationship with them never goes away, it is just different, and we are not taught how to engage differently with them. This is what this blog post is about. How to continue to love your loved one after loss.

When you dream about your loved one on the other side, in the heavenly spiritual realm, what do you imagine it is like for them? Is your imaginary dream of where they are in the spiritual realm dictated by stories you have heard from others? Is it influenced by religious or spiritual text? None of us really know what it is like on the other side so of course we would be left to our own inner visions to guide us. In my last blog post I wrote about the different between and earth-bound spirit and a ghost. Read to know more. I remember when I lived in South Africa reading about how the early Christian Missionaries came to teach the Zulu peoples about Jesus. The Zulu people have a strong reverence for their ancestors. In the history book I was reading it said that the early missionaries interpreted this as their loved ones never made it to heaven and remain earthbound because they did not have Jesus in their life. We can be taught many beliefs that come from someone else’s interpretation of death therefore it is important to feel your truth with your heart and your love for the other person.

I worked as a critical care nurse in a hospital setting for 16 years. I then worked as a Hospice Case Manager as a home visiting hospice nurse for 8 years. I had 3 of my own family members pass in one year that resulted in my out of body experience and set me on this path to understand the dying process and what it is like for souls on the other side of the veil. Now for 25 years I have been connecting to and communicating with spirits on the other side and have come to some pretty simple conclusions. It does not matter how your loved one lived or died, they are given the same respect, honor, love and support through their dying process and on the other side. Once your loved on crosses over most go through a integration process to remember how to function as spirit in the spirit world. Or if they have experienced a long-term illness, regardless of whether or not is was mental, emotional or physical they will often spend a few years resting and recuperating on the other side. When this happens for your loved one, they may feel distant to you for a couple of years. You did nothing wrong; they are just being spiritually cared for and may not be strong enough yet to be in the frequency of this earthly plane.

If your loved one was responsible for their own death whether through suicide, drug or alcohol addictions, or reckless high risk living, they are still treated with tremendous love and respect on the other side with the ultimate desire is to help them to heal. The spirit world is also extra present to you to support you when grieving the senseless loss of your loved one and their untimely death. Again, please know, it may take them several years as spirit on the other side before they can come through in the way you would like them to be to assure you, they are okay. It would require a highly skilled medium who can raise their own human frequency high enough to bridge the communication. Even with a highly skilled medium, they may only be able to come through initially for a short time of 10 minutes or less.

Your dream world is a real place called the astral plane. The astral plane is in another dimension and higher frequency therefore it is much easier for your loved one to come through the dream world. Why? Because you are coming to them while your body is asleep, and you are in spirit form. Your spirit form, called the Astral Body in metaphysical terms, allows you to travel to other higher frequencies of the spirit world. Have you had a dream where you were with your loved one? Have you wondered if it were a dream or were you really with them? I can say with about 99% accuracy that yes, you are truly with them in the dream world. You truly spoke with them telepathically and they with you. You can hopefully find some comfort in knowing this truth.

I want to mention one more point about feeling your loved one after they pass into spirit. Your feelings of loss for them fills your energy field with grief and when grief builds up in your aura you will often experience numbness. Numbness is a very important energy to help you buffer you until you can heal from the grief enough to begin functioning again. How long the grief and numbness lasts is unique to each person and is usually equal to the loss you feel. An example is, when I my grandmother died at the age of 97. I had an entire life with her as I grew into adulthood. She was able to meet my own children and grandchildren in her lifetime. When she died, there was more peace than grief. My mother had just lost her mother which is a very different relationship and she felt the loss more deeply as a mother daughter. However, if I had a child who died at a very young age, that loss would be a deeper, heart wrenching grief, that may feel as if my soul went on the other side with them. The numb feelings would be there to help me cope with my days without my child however impossible that coping my be. The grief and numbness can make it difficult to even feel your loved one in spirit form. When working as a medium with clients, often their loved one will literally be standing next to the client while the client says their loved one never comes. As a psychic medium and healer there is a fine line to healing someone’s grief before they are ready to have it healed. It might leave them feeling too raw and unable to cope yet. So please know your grief and numbness is a gift. Grief counseling and support groups are wonderful to help you process. Click here to find a grief support group.

How do you have a relationship with a loved one after they have left their human body and are in spirit form?

1. Set an intention (action follows thought) to have a relationship with your loved one who is in spirit form. 
2. Know, that each time you think of them, talk to them, have their favorite foods, do their favorite activities, listen to or sing your mutually favorite song, or do a shared ritual like coffee at the kitchen table in the early mornings, your loved one is there or knows that you are thinking of them.  EVERY SINGLE TIME. 
3. Prayers for their easy passing to the other side.  Prayers for their healing on the other side.  Prayers to bless them wherever they are and what ever they choose to do.  As a medium, when a spirit comes through, sometimes, they will be dripping in golden light that soaks and saturates their energy field.  This beautiful golden light is all the prayers said for their souls evolution.  This is very important before, during and after their passing, but even twenty years later their spirit form still benefits from your prayers and love. 
4. Prepare a meal of their favorite foods.  Food is such a traditional way we share relationships.  When you prepare their special foods, fill a plate, for them, pour them their favorite drink, light a candle, and put on their favorite music.  One friend had movie night with her loved one every single Friday night.  Just like they did together in life.  She would prepare two bowls of popcorn and even speak to her loved one to ask what movie she would like to watch this week.  Just like they did in their human relationship.  You can do similar things. 
5. Put on some of their old clothes to feel the cloth and smell them.  Do some of the things they liked to do when their wore those clothes.  A client I had would dress up about once a month in her husbands clothes and go out and chop wood.  She could feel the strong presence of her husband each time she did this.  This activity brought joy that carried her through the harder times.  At first, she did this weekly, then monthly and now a couple of times per year.  Other clients have shared they do the same thing, but we do not talk about it for fear of being called crazy. 
6. Intimacy with your loved one in spirit form is a real thing and also something that no one talks about.  Light candles, create a sensual warm environment.  Allow yourself to remember their touch, their body pressed against yours, the intimate conversations, sharing, and explorations of each other.  Your loved one will be right there with you.  Warm, caring, content, filled with love and healing.
7. Can you over do it?  Yes, I have had clients can spend so much time every day with their loved one in spirit that they begin to separate from the human relationships in their current life.  They only want to spend it feeling their loved one and become angry when another tries to stop them.  I often recommending allowing it to play out and eventually it will come into balance.  Again, grief support groups, counseling and energy healings can assist in getting your energy back into your life and allowing your loved one to move on with their spiritual path and healing.  It is always about balance. 
8. Practice Your telepathic communication. Your loved one will relearn how to communicate as spirit telepathically. This is a mind to mind communication. This is the only way they can communicate with you. Hearing high pitched ringing in your ears may be an indicator that your loved one is nearby and is trying to communicate. Read my blog post on Telepathy to learn a bit more and cultivate your skills so you can better communicate with your loved one as spirit.

Our society has so many taboo beliefs about what a normal way is to grieve and what is not normal. There is taboos around disturbing your loved on in heaven and causing them to get stuck on the earthy plane. My experiences with loved ones on the other side is loving, healing, uplifting, caring, and spiritually continues after they have let go of their body. No matter how harsh the life or death, it is my experience that the same beings of light embrace each soul that crosses over with love, and respect for their human journey. It is my wish and desire that sharing my experiences will bring you comfort.